He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
