booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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