she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Less talking, more tequila
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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