Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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