My sheets look like a crime scene.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
