Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
