just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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