You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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