This is not my ceiling
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
