Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You have to summon your inner elephant
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
