There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i think i scared a bird with my dick
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize