the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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