Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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