i just wanna soil my oats bro
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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