is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
