i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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