cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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