it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
