When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
