So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
