wat bout pragnant strippers??
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
tell me about the eggs
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
