I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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