I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
