Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
