I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize