yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
