I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
