Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
