ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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