what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
