Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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