hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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