12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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