Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
