The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
either way he was missing a nipple.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Life without a bra equals bliss.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
