Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
is it fun? or sober?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
