Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
