hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
