i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
