I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
