Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
