he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
