I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
