I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
