Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
