and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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