You just made me feel so damn special
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
His hands were made for my vagina.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
