I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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