Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
