Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
