at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
