Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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