i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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