good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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