I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
