It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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