I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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