i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
