I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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