We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My ass is underappreciated
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
