We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
