At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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