I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
