I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize