I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I have surprise drugs for everyone
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
