im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
