The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
