You don't have asthma, your pregnant
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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