He is an equal opportunity slut.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
