This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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