the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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