In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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