can we get nightvision for the apartment?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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