i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize