i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
