thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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