I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize