I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
