I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
where are you?
Hypothermia
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
